How NOT to go about a programming assignment

This link was sent to my class' mailing list by Bubble boy. If u've ever had a programming lab u'll like this thing. its quite funny.

Orange Juice

Nagpur known for its oranges is now making pulp of only one thing – the Men in Blue. C'mon guys show some spirit. I don't know about others but my mood definitely changes in accordance with the team's fortunes. Right now i am nearing depression. Guys don't become squash at the hands of the Aussies. If u've gotta give away ur wickets give them to Hollywood atleast I'll be happy that my favourite cricketer is demolishing the team i love so much. Show some fight. Get bruised black and blue but don't go down without a fight.

InMoBlo news

Found a free image host.

Things i like about them

• no limit to the number of images i can upload
• no bandwidth limits
• easy to use
• no registration required(registered any way coz then i can keep track of all the stuff i upload)
• they use Linux servers(go Tux go!!!!!)

limitations

• max size of each image is 1MB
• an image is deleted if its not accessed for a year

figured out how to put only haloscan comments. but figured i like to give the readers some choice so both forms of commenting will stay on except for this post.

put more gap between the end of comments link and the next post. feel there is too much space between end of post and the start of comments link. freed for the moment. hope the changes make it look less cluttered

SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Recieived this amazing piece of spam which somehow found its way into my inbox breaching Yahoo!' s much vaunted spam filtering.Yahoo! Gmail just kicks your a**. (btw guys have u noticed Yahoo! has blatantly ripped a lot features from Gmail like address autocomplete and all.) personally i think Gmail has been in beta way too long. Time is ripe for regular junta to feel its awesome power. Anyways getting back; just read the mail. My thoughts are in italics just like this para and everything that stands straight up like this is the creation of some loser spammer

I am highly compelled upon strict recommendation,(who the hell recommeds my name unh?) to write you this very urgent and confidential letter.(no longer coz it's on my blog) I do hope my letter will not embarrass you(not in the least bit) since I had no previous correspondence with you.

I am sending this proposal with due sense of humanity, responsibility and with few awareness(is that correct English) that you will give it a sympathetic attention.(yeah right lots of it) I regret the inconvenience it may cause you.(no incovenience dude. U've given me a blog post)

I am PETER MALUSI the son of Dr. SIMON MALUSI, who was murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe.(sorry to know that seriously)

I got your contact from South Africa Chambers of Commerce (i have never left this country and just because i share my birthday with Gandhi doesn't mean i have something to do with South Africa) when I was searching for a reliable and reputable person(yeah that i am!!) to handle a very confidential transaction which involves a transfer of fund to a foreign account(not sure if i have any local a/c ) and I decided to write you, my late father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the agents of the ruling government of president Robert Mugabe, for his alleged support and sympathy for the Zimbabwean opposition party controlled by the white minority. Before his death he had taken to Johannesburg South Africa to deposit the sum of US$ 10.5 Million (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) (i can read numbers no need to spell it out) with a Security and Finance Company as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe. The money was deposited as valuables to avoid much demurrage from the Security Company.

This money was embarked for the purchase of new machinery and Chemical(forgot the plural) for farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland. This land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act that wholly affected the rich white farmers and some few blacks that vehemently condemned the "modus operandi" adopted by the government. It is against this background that I and my family (should be family and I. Didn't u learn English in Zim or did u study Swahili)who are currently residing in South Africa as refugees have decided to transfer my Father's money into a foreign account.As the eldest son of my Father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred and Invested. More so, the South African Foreign Exchange policy does not allow such investment hence I am seeking for an "asylum".(i suggest Kilpauk)

I must let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter. For your assistance, we are offering you 20% of the total sum, 70% for me and my family while 10% will be mapped out for any expenses we may incure during this transaction.

We wish to invest our money based on your advice.(my advice is give me all of it)

Finally, if this proposal is acceptable by you, please confirm your interest via my phone number or you reply through email.

Best Regards.

PETER MALUSI. (For the family) (if u're from the family shouldn't ur second name be Corleone?)

InMoBlo news

fixed all problems with the commenting and all. old blogger comments are back and the new haloscan comments are also ......well .... er there .

thanks to all (read 2) people for the comments.

keep em coming!!!!!!!!!!

ps: had time to fix the blog coz some maha padips types sent the programs for the lab exams destroying all my study plans.

InMoBlo news

added haloscan commenting. to view/put the default blogger comments click on the time of the post. the old comments haven't disappeared. lots of free speech on the blog

UC travelblog [post 2]

(Continued from the post below the Durga Pooja post).

What does happen when u put 2 deranged young men(2DYM) in a room? That was the question I left off with in the previous part. I get the feeling that a lot of u perverted minds are expecting some spicy stuff. But u see the problem is this. 2DYM on their own are harmless unless one of them or both of them are gay or they are drunk or they are in the company of women. Now for AC and I none of the above mentioned conditions held true that night. So basically nothing happened. Gotcha!!. what did happen though was that that mad b@#!#$%^ AC decided he wanted to watch TV late into the night and ended up doing so and after he had finished he didn't put off the light in the room. As a result i got very little sleep the night before the 2^nd round shoot. When i asked him why he didn't put off the light he said "it doesn't make a difference to me". What the F~!@ u freak you're not the only one in the god-damn room.

After the bright night i woke sleepless in seat.. oh sorry Noida. Next came a very chilling experience. See Noida for some reason was having quite low temperatures as was the entire north. As a result the temp. in the morn. was a very cool 18 or so degrees centigrade. Now this is very nice for someone coming from the searing heat of Madras. So why am i complaining u ask? The problem arises because of a human need to keep one's self clean by taking a bath. There was geyser in the bathroom but like half the keys in my 10 year old keyboard it wasn't working. As a result i got chilled to the bone. The only thing about a cold water bath is that it wakes u up. So in the end it was probably a good thing.

At breakfast met our opposition for the day the wonderful guys from NIT Calicut ( Roshit, Ravi, Kevin and Abid ). Also chatted a bit with my good friends from CEG (Vijay, Dipak, Psycho Hari and Venkat) who had their shoot scheduled in the afternoon against IITB (Rahul, Chitranshu, Vivek, Arijit); the team we beat in the 1^st round. (if u don't know the format of UC basically there are 4 lucky losers from the 1^st round who go into the 2^nd round IITB was one of them).

During the drive to the studio saw a sight the seemed to defy all of Newton's laws of motion and his law of gravity. Well u c there was this car that had got on the median. There is nothing extraordinary about this but for the fact that it was on the wrong side of the road and somehow had managed to drive on the wrong side of the road and got up on that high median. U don't get the point. Just free it then coz i am very bad at describing weird road accidents and i don't have the help of Aaj Tak's amazing (read yuck) computer generated re enactments.

After a few 1000s of seconds we reached Eagle Studios in sector 18. I wonder if any movies were shot there coz there seemed to be a lot of posters of movies. The most familiar was Chamatkaar. Do u guys remember this movie. It had Naseeruddin Shah who was some kind of a ghost and helped Shah Rukh win a cricket match (Ganguly could do with a chamatkaar right now).

One of the good things about Synergy is the production team is made up of a lot of women. So their co-ords and stuff are female. I personally feel that they have too many people on the set but i am not complaining. After we were ushered into the make up room this pretty co-ord told us "give me your shirts" Before u get any naughty ideas let me disappoint u again by saying that she was doing her job and asking us to give her the shirts we were going to wear for the shoot so that she could get them ironed. She left the room after telling us to think of starting lines.

Thinking up imaginative and non-standard opening lines to introduce ourselves is the 2^nd most difficult thing to do in UC. (I'll come to the most difficult thing shortly). After racking my brains i came up with something I'm sure will get me beaten up in college once the episode comes. I won't tell u what it is just watch it on TV. Let me just tell my potential assailants that i meant no malice.

Once we changed we went to the other room to get our make up done. Just the usual stuff that has to be done before anyone comes in front of a camera. Next we went to the set. The first thing that struck me was that it was cold, f^%$*^! cold. Somebody forgot where the switch to put off the AC was. Once we took out seats the co-ord (the same one who wanted our shirts) started telling us the rules of the game. Duh !!! as if we didn't already know. "u'll get starters for 10 points ...." zzzzz .... brrr brrr brr achooo. Then she heard our starting lines and after finishing an endless stream of instructions she went on to bore the NIT Calicut guys and some guy fixed microphones on us

Then followed what seemed like an endless wait. The audience was made to sit properly and some guy started asking the audience questions to keep them engaged while we all waited for the shoot to start. The audience didn't answer too many questions though. (the most obscure questions about Hindi movies got cracked though and they seemed to know more about Kishore Kumar than AC (hi AC ^_^ ) ) They weren't quizzers they were there for an altogether different reason.

This brings me to the most difficult part about shooting for an episode of UC -- keeping one's eyes off the audience. See the audience is usually made up of Delhi college students most of them girls.

Now if you're a normal guy u'll empathise with me when i say that it's bloody hard to keep one's concentration in amongst such an audience. They are supposed to watch us but the traffic goes the other way too. While we were shivering in our seats the crew began recording the audience applause. Basically some crew member starts clapping and the audience then joins in. they take a few retakes till the noise level is up to their expectations. Our microphone tests followed After what seemed like an endless wait the star of the show made his entrance.

Siddharth Basu ('Babu' to most of the crew) walked in to applause and some sighs of awe (made up the 'awe'ful part). He was dressed in a jacket as u'll see on TV. What u won't see was the jeans he was wearing. It's funny to see a guy in a jacket and jeans. He shook hand with all of us and took his seat padded with a cushion ( they gave me 2 cushions and strangely enough Goach also got one despite the fact he is so tall. Now me asking why give me 2 and him one. give me one and him none. (sorry for the terrible rhyme)) .

Before the shoot began Babu threw the teams a few practice starters just to calm the nerves and warm up. Now that I'm in the topic of practice starters i have to tell u guys about this funny incident that happened with the CEG guys. Now during their shoot with IITB Babu threw the practice starters. Being the better team CEG cracked all 4. Now Babu used his head to give the poor IITB guys a starter and asked the following question "What is Vivek's surname". Much to i guess everyone's surprise Dipak buzzed and correctly said "Ramamurthy". U c Dipak studied with Vivek when he was in Bombay ages ago and knows him reasonably well. Imagine the look on IITB's faces. A kodak moment for sure. They must've been totally psyched.

Returning to our shoot the intro music played followed by "Welcome to University Challenge... Asking the questions Siddharth Basu." The shoot had started. Babu intoduced us and we did our intros. Then the same was repeated for the NIT guys. Just when we thought the intros were out of the way the "voice of God" spoke. There is this control room located somewhere in the set where somebody sits and looks at everything that's been shot and advises changes and re shots if necessary. Now where we are seated we can't see the guy in the control room. He not seen; only heard. Thus my reference to the voice as the "voice of God". Basically the guy told us that there was some camera problem and we needed to redo the intros and so we did only this time poor Goach kept fumbling his lines and took 4 or 5 attempts to get it right.

The quiz proper started and i won't give u details about it coz i don't want to and u can watch it all on TV. I will mention two incidents though.

This season Babu has decided that he wants to make the teams look good as in seem like good quizzers, so if neither of the teams answers a question it's scrapped and not shown on TV unless a team gets -5 on an interruption. This led to quite a fiasco during our audio question. Basically 3 audios had to be scrapped during our shoot. Now that's not a problem by itself but the problem was that after every audio got scrapped they had to hunt another one and the production people took 10 to 15 minutes to get a song. So in the mean time we were freezing and the audio co-ord ran out of questions so basically people from the audience were asked to sing(of course none of the songs they sung became qns). Under normal circumstances i would have tolerated bathroom singing in a studio but not when the team is down on points and knowing that every qn from that point is crucial. Finally the audio qn did get answered and it was Pps who did it much to our relief.

The 2^nd incident i want to talk about is the last question of the quiz. No matter what is shown on TV this is what happened. Babu said "Which toy dog.." and i buzzed. In the time that it took for the buzzer to go off and the light to come on and Babu to say "..it's Nandan from SVCE.. " Babu said some thing about Poland while continuing the qn. I was frozen. I was in a state of shock. U c i was thing about the literal toy dogs as in toys. So i was thinking about Aibo and tomagochis and not breeds of flesh and blood dogs. But when i heard Poland my head and heart stopped working. After Babu said that he was passing the question with -5 to the other team i said "dalmatian". Now Babu said that he wasn't going to allow that and said he was passing the question to the other team. Before they could answer the hooter went off. We jumped for joy in a spontaneous outburst of relief. We thought we had won. Then Babu did the unthinkable. He said he wanted the time to be turned back. I think he felt that i was stalling when i buzzed and decided to be what he thought was fair. Of course i wasn't stalling and moreover i had no way of knowing that that was the last question. Anyways they did turn back time and Babu repeated the qn and just before the qn ended Kevin buzzed and said "Dalmatian". Then Babu said "that is incorrect". Then he said words to the effect of moving on the next qn and before he could the hooter went off and this time we had indeed won. I found out later when Abid told me that Abid (who was pretty much their star performer) new the answer to the last qn was pomeranian but was waiting for the qn to complete before he buzzed and in between Kevin buzzed. I realised then just how close we had come to losing.

After the shoot they basically do dubs. Basically the 'voice of God' guy tells Babu to repeat some qns or some participants to repeat answers. They also reshot the last question where i buzzed and didn't give an answer at all and Kevin said Dalmatian. I guess this is what will get shown. After that reshot for the long shots the passes where one person gives a wrong answer and a person from the other team gives the right answer. Then they kept us waiting for some more time when the cameras took long shots of us and the crowd.

We went back to the hotel to rest up a bit. Saw a bit of TV and went for walks in the neighbourhood. While watching TV we saw this Airtel ad where a guy and a girl are in plane that crashes and ends with the tagline which basically says that their network goes everywhere. Now there is nothing remarkable about watching an ad for a cell phone network, really there isn't anything. Only small thingy was that AC's phone hadn't worked from the moment we landed in Delhi and didn't work again till we got to Madras when he got his signal back. This is where as Vinod put it irony makes an appearance -- AC's network provider is Airtel. (btw the look on his face when the ad came was another kodak moment).

The next day (Thursday) was our quarter final shoot against IITM. Won't talk much about it. Pretty much the same thing only thing we lost and lost really badly. A scoreline does not reflect our true capabilities as a team and neither does the result. But then that's the way UC's format works. One day u can look like a hero out of a Western the next day u can look like an absolute fool. Basically the qns are really easy. It's mostly about speed on the buzzer and IITM was much better that day. Maybe another day the result would have been quite different. And as IITM found out 4 hours later during their semi-final that UC can be very, very cruel. Still remember Babu's words that he told us trying to console us after the loss, "Don't look so mournful. It's only a quiz". Some how i don't agree.

In the night saw the telecast of our 1^st round against IITB. Seemed to be much closer a contest on TV than what we felt it was during the shoot.

The next day we packed and left a little after 12. Saw the Lotus temple and grabbed lunch on way to the airport. Reached there at 3 for a 4:50 flight which was delayed by half an hour. Saw Ashish Nehra whose autograph Goach got and Jagmohan Dalmiya whose existence Goach wasn't willing to acknowledge coz AC told him (its very hard to trust AC these days). Of course after i conformed his presence we all saw him. Also saw Prabhu Chawla the India Today (bald) head who comes on Aaj Tak. He was there with some reporter from Aaj Tak whose name I don't remember though I think this is the guy who got slapped by BSP founder Kanshi Ram.

Reached home to find out that i didn't have any material for one of the 2 tests i had the next day. Anyways freed it coz we got the qns the next day and the answers.

Well that's about it.

Durga Poojo

Its that time of the year when Bengalis all over the world come out to celebrate Durga Poojo and why should the Bongs (as u guys call us) in Madras be any different. So the Bongs in Madras have their own celebrations for their favourite and most important festival. There are quite a few pandals put up various groups and societies. I have been told that the T. Nagar one is supposedly the oldest and biggest. Today I went to the festivities organised by SMCA— the South Madras Cultural Association at Beasant Nagar as I do every year.

This time the pandal seems to be rather well made and arrangements have been made to prevent the rain from being a spoil sport as it did with the India-Aus test match. First went in to see the idol. Aarthi was going on so there was the beat of the Dhak which is a drum like thingy and smoke all over due to the burning incense and whatever else is used during one of these aarthis. The poor priest guy was sweating all over as were most of us. Got a little psyched when i heard so many people speaking Bangla in the place- just not used to that. The idol seemed the same as every year. The organisers haven't tried anything special. In Calcutta lots of places have themed pandals. Few years there were Titanic pandals. Basically the pandals in Calcutta reflect a lot of whats happening currently. Though this year the police in Calcutta have told organisers not to have any themes related to hanging as would have been the favourite theme considering the Dhananjoy Chatterjee story and stuff. The idol here in Beasant Nagar was simple and usual with Godess Durga in the middle killing the demon and to her right are Saraswati and Ganesh and to her left Lakshmi and Karthik. Don't ask me to put any fundaes on the myth and religious significances coz i know very little.

After the aarthi got over picked up the prasad and went to food stalls. I wait one whole year just for this. The poojo may mean different things for different; but for me poojo means great food at the food stalls at the pandal and the Bengali girls(by default beautiful) who come to the Pandal. Today had egg roll(don't have to explain what that is), chicken Muglai Parota(stuffed kind of a parotta very diffent from the Punjabi parottas and fish Kabiraji(fish fillets fried in an egg batter). The food is what i miss most about Calcutta. Madras just doesn't have that kind of roadside food.

After picking up the food came back home.

The Durga poojo here is nothing compared to what happens in Calcutta. One my biggest regrets in life is not actually seeing a Durga poojo in Calcutta. I've had to make do with the SMCA pandal.

I strongly recommend that all of reading this go to any of the Bengali pandals during this time of the year and sample a slice of Calcutta in Madras. The best time to go would be in the evening. Today was 'Saptami' the 7^th day of Dussera. U've got 2 more days. So hurry up. The immersion is on Saturday and will take place at the Beasant Nagar beach.

HAPPY DURGA POOJO !!!!!!!!!!!!

UC travelblog [post 1]

In my previous post i wrote that i was going to Delhi for the shooting of the next rounds of UC. Well i am back from the city of the Indian parliament, the India gate and awesomely[sic] hot girls. This post is about my experiences of the those 4 days. I dunno why i am writing this. The trip was on the whole extremely disappointing and has some painful memories. Writing things down will make me relive those memories i am desperately trying to get out of my system. There were some great moments too and maybe by writing them down I'll have something to draw from later on in life. I think the post is going to be rather long but read on if you're interested in knowing how a quiz programme is shot Synergy style or what happens when 2 deranged young men who have to share a room get up to.

Tuesday was the day of departure. AC told us to rendezvous at the airport at 12:10 for a 13:35 flight ( i wonder why oh why; but then AC is like that). So Goach and I went to the airport by car and Pps (read peeps) joined us at the entrance to the terminal at 12:15. now there was no sight of AC. Our man decides to turn up at 12:35. in the meantime Pps sent him some mean messages which basically meant that he had to get to airport rather quickly or else.... so after not carrying out our threats of doing nasty things to AC the 4 of us went in basically carried out all the formalities. We still had a bit of time left till the departure and the airport was really deserted. So we decided to throw random meaningless questions like "Connect the escalator and Adolf Hitler" and "What is the latitude and longitude of the airport?" at each other. Saw this very beautiful woman who seemed to be an air hostess but wasn't going to be a host but a guest. She was reading The Da Vinci Code. We decided to spoil the ending for her by telling her the ending but then we didn't carry out that plan either ' coz i don't think any one of us wanted to get slapped by a beautiful girl. I must make a confession here. She was definitely the prettiest girl on the flight. If she is reading this(high hopes dude!!) i hope she takes it as a compliment because the air hostesses like the food were hot. (oh God i just compared beautiful women to food!!!!!!!!! ( wonder what that tells about my thought processes)).

The flight was uneventful for the most part. There was a bit of turbulence. I didn't know whether to stare at the air hostesses or outside the window; the view outside was just amazing. The clouds looked as if they were out of a painting describing the abode of Greek Gods. Believe me they looked just like that. I could almost imagine Zeus in all his glory in there among the clouds. After imaging some heavenly images i decided to basically just keep my ornithological pursuits active. So the journey left me fairly satisfied and the food was also good.(wats m obsession with the food????).

After landing we picked up our luggage and began the task of finding a taxi to take us to Noida where our accommodation was arranged. Now the what appeared to be official tourism development taxi booth told us that we would have to pay 1080 bucks(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to get to Noida. So we just went to the other booths and found one that was going to take us for 380 deer. So we hopped on(actually we just walked) in the black Maruti van. See Delhi has this policy that all public transport vehicles should run on CNG. A by-product of this(apart from the cleaner air) is that the Delhi transport corporation has the 'record' for having the "largest CNG bus service in the world" which the buses on the road very proudly proclaim. During the long journey AC went off to sleep and drooled all over the seat( of course he'll deny that (and maybe he is telling the truth)) but lets assume for the sake of the blog that he was indeed drooling.(not that achieves anything but just gives him something to do during the journey coz he was not doing anything). Anyways we were reserved .. well actually our accommodation was reserved at this place called 'Jewel Palace' in sector 61. this sector 61 happens to be a really far flung location and pretty undeveloped. The problem with Noida is that all streets just have numbers for names and all look the same. So it makes the task of finding a small hotel (well technically it was not a hotel.. I'll come to that in a minute(actually u'll come o that in minute (of course if u read fast then in about 30 seconds)) a very arduous task. Now the problem is compounded further by the fact that the place did not have a sign board saying that it was indeed hotel Jewel Palace. When we did finally meander our way to the address given to us we landed(actually we landed long ago) at a huge (i mean huge) house that said it belonged to some IAS officer. Puzzled Pps went inside and after seeing the receptionist's came out satisfied that we were at the right place. The reason he was satisfied was that the receptionist(cum manager) lady was the same person who had greeted us during our previous stay. Then Jewel Palace was in sector 41. See they apparently got kicked out of that place because of some "problems with the authorities" so they were masquerading as a hotel in an (abandoned?) IAS officer's house.

The rest of the evening went off without without any scares. The dinner was great. The food on all the days of our stay was really good. We decided to practice a bit after dinner just to get into the groove. After a bit Pps and Goach left to their room. That left AC and me in the room late in the night. (now is the part i promised in the beginning about 2 deranged young men in a room)

(to be continued...............)

University Challenge part deux

In a few hours time I'll be on a plane taking me to the capital of this country (of course it became the capital only in 1913 (or was it 1912) after the Brits moved from the City of Joy,the wonderful city i was born in but have not had the good fortune of knowing that well ) for the 2^nd round of shooting of BBC World's University Challenge. I might as well be totally correct and tell u that it's the shooting of the 2^nd, quarters and semis. So at the end of the week the finalists will be known. Of course junta will come to know about it only after the shows are aired.

Feeling very nervous for some reason(actually thats why i started writing this post 'coz i was feeling very tense thinking about the trip and not doing anything. Have a strange feeling in the stomach for some reason. I really don't know what i am so tense about. I know we (Goach,AC,pps[captain SIR] and I (yeah i am the only one in the team who doesn't have a nickname)) are a good team and we can go far in the tournament but suddenly i am engulfed in self doubt. I don't know why. We almost blew it against a weaker IIT Bombay team (the episode it to be telecast on 14^th October – this Thursday at 10pm ). my fear is not performing to our full potential. I know that we can take on the world nut we gotta keep our cool. Maybe i am putting too much pressure in myself......... aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

no more talk about UC 'coz i feel relaxed already and that weird feeling is gone from my stomach. The purpose of writing this post is served.

Now moving on to other things.

Its been a favourable week. Hardly went to college. Any day that is not spent in college is a good day

Sunday was simcat 4. didn't do too well (not that's very surprising) but got a higher city percentile(national hasn't come out yet) than i expected so i am feeling a lot better.

Now my mood has changed from one of gloom to one of glee. Talk about the healing powers of writing a blog.

Will be back on Friday night. Hope to have made it to the finals UC by then. Anything less than that will leave us a team extremely unhappy, i am sure.

Wish us luck and the power to kick ass

May he answers be with us

sayonara

A blogger about blogging

maisonneuve :: eclectic curiosity

Link was there in one of the text ads in gmail. Mailed my self a post to check if the mail post thing was working properly and voila there were ads related to blogging. And guess what the 1st link was blogger. Boy what a surprise (sarcastic grin)

What if Vijaykant decides to play for Arsenal

My good friend Vinod while writing about Emirates Air's new sponsorship deal with Arsenal suggested that Arsenal with their new found wealth could get big stars like Vijaykant(he's BIG alright and he's more like a black hole than a bright shimmering star) to play for them. That got me thinking. What would happen if indeed Vijaykant started playing for Arsenal?

Patrick Vieira is gonna have to step down. Now i don't have to explain this. There can be only ONE captain in the team. They'll have to get 42 metres of cloth to make the captain's arm band to fit it around Vijaykant's bulging(with fat) arm

They would have to reinforce the football stadia he's gonna be playing 'coz no football stadium i know of is earthquake resistant. Now why would they need earthquake resistant stadia?? well... imagine a herd of elephants running , the earth trembling begging for mercy ; that's the kind of impact Vijaykant with his 7 tons of make up will have when he's gonna run after a ball trying to kick it between 2 czechs.

The viewership of EPL matches is going to go thru the roof as all the captains men would want to watch his antics especially those who missed his circus days. This would mean that CAS gets revoked (yippeeeee!!!!) or ESPN becomes free to air or DD starts showing EPL 'coz how the hell are we, in Chennai supposed to watch the bloody matches

The referee's job is going to be that much easier, as by seeing the injury he'll be able to tell that Vijaykant is responsible for the blow. Of course Vijaykant is such an honest goody guy that he'll probably take the red card and leave the field (phew!!!!!).

Thierry Henri is going to lose all his sponsors as everyone would be backing the new(old, really old) kid [sic] on the block.

People who don't know much about football will be wondering which the ball is- what captain is chasing or what is chasing it.

Commentary would not be needed. Just give Vijaykant a mike and all the sound u need for the match will be there. Of course if u don't understand Tamil ur lucky because then u don't have to feel guilty about not having made any sense of his lines.

U would only need the most sophisticated software like Microsoft's Paint to do all the television graphics.

And most importantly Arsenal will have no fear of losing... u kant lose with a guy whose name means victory in the team